People that hurt others on purpose without the presence of alcohol or narcotics, those people are the worst. I can tell from my own experience. I got to experience that people lie, people have an entire picture of how you should be, and if you are not anything like that, well, than these people will make you out to be persons with problems bigger than their own, and that’s just wrong. I have enough going on in my life I am worried about. I am not emotionally stable at all, but I am working on it. It doesn’t help when I am working incredibly hard on my recovery and somebody pushes me into madness.
I find the image horrific that has been created of me, lies with a bunch of layers that are not at all applicable to me, none. I guess, it says a whole lot more about the person spreading these awful things about me, then it does about me, since I am not suffering from any addiction, and somehow, somebody thought it was funny to spread those lies about me. I mean, if you are going to make up something, make it at least something that comes near the truth. I won’t accept it. Not if it would be a friend acting like this, not if it would be a family member. Whoever it is, just no.
Go harrass someone else, not someone like me who’s in recovery. I am who I am, and I will always be my amazing me. If you do not like a part of me, or you do not like any parts of me, than that’s still not a problem of mine. I am quite happy with how I am turning out to be, the changes I am making to make my life more comfortable, more peaceful and most importantly, a happier place for me to live in.
I am finally on the right track, figuring a lot of things out, and I am far from being where I want to be, but I am on my way and nobody gets to take advantage about my instable moments. You have no idea of the extra damage you are making me go through. I am going through it, but I shouldn’t have to go through it, since it’s based on absolutely nothing. I am finally at the point in my recovery, that I know what matters and what does not. I am finally at the point in my recovery where I am proud of all the doubting I had towards myself in the past year. I am proud of it, because of it I am a better person now, I learned that my insecurities are also precious, and that when I doubt myself, it is because I am thinking about all that went on / all that is going on.
Recovery is hard, I am not going to lie, it’s incredibly hard, but moreover recovery is a gift for it s a time to re-discover yourself, and I don’t think there are a lot of people who dare to do so. Recovery is learning how to feel again, for out of protection you shutted down your emotions completely. Learning how to feel again, that takes courage. Feeling in general takes courage, if you ask me. It takes courage, because being vulnerable scares the shit out of me for sure. On the other hand, there’s such beauty in being vulnerable. I find that people who have the balls to open up to another human being, are the realest people out there. The overall message of this post is that it’s okay to fall flat on your face a number of times. It’s okay if it takes a while until you realize what you have to do get back up. As long as you also know that setback is part of your recovery. Appreciate your process, really appreciate all the effort you are making to try and get better, because I promise you, you will get there. Maybe not today, but as long as you keep trying and you feel something changing, even if it’s the smallest thing, you are becoming a little bit better already.
To all those who are suffering immensely, maybe I don’t know your pain. Maybe your life is nothing like mine, but I hope all of you find the strength to rebuild your life. I hope that there is a person in your life who tells you that you are so worth it, if you don’t know that yet. And if that person isn’t present in your life, then I want to be the one that tells you that you are amazing!