‘Her power was laying in her overemotional character, she felt everything, everything and all in once’.
I have always been thankful for really small things, like when you take the first lick of an ice cream, or the first sip of a cup of coffee. Ever since I was little, I have been good at being thankful for everything I had and everything I got to experience. Of course, some stuff that went on in my life (as well as in each one of another life for that matter) I have had my fair share of hardships growing up. This used to make me feel like as if I was lesser of a person, less good, less determined to succeed in life. Loads of insecurities came from hardships I couldn’t cope with at the time. No, let me refrase that, I didn’t want to be faced with a hardship I couldn’t get a grasp at, it was emotionally too hard and all these emotions I couldn’t understand, I would just put them away. I would ignore them for as long as that would work, for as long I could go on doing that. But it’s only now I realise I have been selling myself short for feeling less, when in fact, I wasn’t less at all.
I think I can speak for others, also, when I say that life sometimes throws arrows down upon us, and we just do everything within our power to dodge these arrows. We at all times, wish to get hurt as little as possible. But what, if everything would just come to us? What if everything we longed for, would be for ours to have just like that? Without the need of trying, without the need of a plan, without faith, what if it would be that easy? Would that be challenging? Would that be something you can be proud of? That would mean, we would live in a world, where it is not necessary to try as hard as we can. It would mean moreover that we wouldn’t be able to appreciate, once we finally have what we want, because we would have everything we want out of life, but we would never be the creators of these accomplishments..
You get where I am going with this?
The point I am trying to make, the point I wish to make is that it is okay if you are not yet where you want to be in your life. As frustrating as that may be, to be struggling actually means you want something more for yourself. It means you don’t want your situation to last forever. It doesn’t even have to mean that the situation you are currently finding yourself in, is a bad one. It just means that everything that comes with this struggle, comes with different types of emotions and all these emotions are there to be treasured. I realize how the word treasured may sound strange, but I am convinced all emotions are there to truly experience. And by saying that I mean, you wouldn’t experience a certain emotion without a reason. I feel like often, we do not want to feel an emotion that isn’t a good one, like feeling scared, feeling insecure, feeling sad or feeling angry. These emotions, I believe are awful to truly experience, but extremely necessarily to do so, to truly experience them. You can ignore them for a while, pretend like they aren’t there, like they are not a burden, but eventually the time and moment will come and you will no longer be able to ignore them. And when this moment arrives, it often is even worse because you suppressed them for such a long time and then all that will be left is a tremdous break-down. Believe me, as I am describing this fromout my own experience…